Parenting Tips - Teaching Kids That Time Heals
Cat died love her so much. Ariel was with us for seventeen and a half years - she was our pet before the birth of my daughter and the first pets my daughter loved. Ariel survived not only lumbar cancer as a catheter, but rebounded from chronic kidney failure (cause # 2 of cat deaths) five years ago. Her visit to the veterinarian five months ago had screamed out how healthy she had been for her age.
Chronic renal failure returned and had no strength to overcome it this time. When she died (the day after my husband's birthday) we were all unappealing. My daughter was particularly upset - this was her "kitty" when she was a child. So I was amazed by my grief. I have had other beloved pets pass and I am distressed, but I have not had a pet to be a part of my life for seventeen years. We all had a dark cloud over our heads for weeks.
Every day my daughter cried and said she was depressed and talked about how unfair Ariel had died and how she had not overcome him. Every day I played it and told her that I understood how I felt - I felt sad, too, it's hard to lose someone you love, but while she still has all the good memories of Ariel, and although we have lost Ariel, we still have to continue our lives. I knew it was important to make her feel her full feelings and remember intelligently that, in time, she would begin to feel better.
It's been more than a month now and my daughter commented yesterday that she does not feel depressed any more. She still misses Ariel, sad as she dies, but suffers from depression.
By not overreacting to my daughter's declaration that she was "depressed", she was able to let her feel full of her feelings. Because she was able to feel them completely and not talk about them or tell them that they were wrong, she was able to abandon them over time.
Many parents feel they have a responsibility not to allow children to feel sad, angry or unhappy. They try to talk about children from their feelings. While no one wants to see his child unhappy or sad, he is part of our life experience. No matter how much we want to protect our children from dissatisfaction of all kinds, they will test it in their lives. What is best for them if they can, when they have another sad position, remember that the time heals. They can then allow themselves to feel at the moment, and they also know that feeling will pass over time.
The next time your child is angry or angry, do not try to get him out of it. Give them the support they need to feel this feeling and remind them gently (and yourself) that time will heal and (ready for another vulgar?) This must also pass. I think it is one of the greatest gifts we can give to our children and ourselves.
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